


Dysfunctional Delusions

by SinfulLuca



Series: Extended Estrangement [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, I want to think, or maybe angst because lucifer is the only one not having a crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfulLuca/pseuds/SinfulLuca
Summary: Chloe really wishes some people weren’t allowed to have children.Specially after meeting Lucifer’s maybe brothers.





	Dysfunctional Delusions

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what's this.  
> I wanted to try my hand at the Lucifer/GO crossover and this happened.  
> I have watched 1 season of Lucifer and my favorite part is Chloe rationalizing everything, so have this monster.
> 
> EDIT: changed the sumary because it might have been a little too much asdfssfa  
> Also, would like to point out that Aziraphale and Crowley are NOT brothers, it's all Lucifer's fault.

It should have been a normal night at Lux. 

Everything was as disgusting as ever: there was the dancers and the drinks and people eating each other. The only thing that was not normal was that Lucifer was nowhere to be found.

Chloe walked towards the bar and asked Maze where Lucifer was. The ninja waitress pointed her towards his loft. Great, amazing, she would have to walk in Lucifer having sex with someone.

She didn’t know if what she found was better.

“Well, believe it or not, I have changed! No need to be so scared!” Lucifer patted one of his 2 guest in the back a little too hard for anyone’s confort.

The poor man looked terrified. He was lanky and red haired, wearing a leather jacket and… sunglasses at night?

“Pardon us for not trusting you, seeing how things went last time.” spoke the second man, looking defiant. He had curly blonde hair bordering in white and his attire had apparently got lost in its way to the 21st century.

“Is all in the past!” Lucifer came closer, trying to take the lanky’s man sunglasses but the other one recoiled, not wanting Lucifer near him.

Lucifer frowned, and Chloe felt it was time for her to save this poor people. “Lucifer.”

Lucifer turns around dramatically, a smile illuminating his stupid face. “Detective!”

He started to walk towards her. The face of the guest informing Chloe that this was the first time they had their personal space back for themselves in who knows how long. Chloe knew the face of someone that was looking for an escape route and the way both of them were looking at the window wasn’t recomforting at all.

“Why are you terrorizing this poor people?” she frowned at Lucifer, that only made his smile grow bigger.

“Terrorizing? Oh, no, nothing like that. I’m just having a chat with my dear brothers!” Oh, there it was, that stupid smug expression he always wore when his delusions went out of hand.

“Please stop calling us brothers.” The blonde one said, a frown on his face.

“Angel.” The other murmured. But the other one - Angel? - ignored his protest, taking the other’s hand and straightening his back.

“Oh, please, brother, why so mean? I might have been casted out millennia ago, but we’re still made from the same stock, no matter what Dad says. Don’t you think the same, Crawly?”

The red haired one - Crawly?! what kind of name was Crawly?! - made a sound in the back of this throat that sounded more like a death animal than a human being.

Angel’s frown just deepened. “Dad? Dad?! You dare to refer to the Almighty like that? Such disrespect!” A-almighty?! weren’t they talking about their dad? What’s wrong with this family?!

“Ang-” Crawly looked to be 5 seconds away from a stroke.

“Yeah, because he has been _sooo_ respectful of us, right? Weren’t you also cast out?!” Cast out? Like… thrown out of the house? Well, Angel did give the impression of being gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide… What kind of train of thought was that?!

“Maybe is time for everyone to calm down.” she tried, rising her hands in the air. This was getting out of control. “Maybe we could sit down, drink something-”

“No thank you. I’ll not stay here any longer. Have a nice day.” That was the most passive aggressive ‘have a nice day’ that Chloe had heard in her life.

Angel walked towards the stairs, still holding tightly Crawly’s hand.

“Say hi to Alan for me!” Lucifer happily waved.

“His name is Adam!” Angel’s voice could be heard in the distance.

Silence took over for a while.

“What… was that?!” Chloe finally said.

“Didn’t you hear? My brothers. Aziraphale and Crawly.”

“... His name is really Crawly?” And what kind of name was Aziraphale?! Maybe Lucifer had been telling the truth when he said his name was actually Lucifer.

“Yeah. Fits him perfectly. He was the snake of Eden after all.”

Chloe frowned. “He was? Not you? Are you not the Devil anymore? Who are you now? Santa Clause?”

“Oh, please Chloe, don’t tell me you believe all that the Bible says. I had barely anything to do with the apple business. With Eve on the other hand…” His expression told her everything. Disgusting. “Anyway, Crawly is a genius. A fantastic agent of chaos. Did you know he invented selfies, social media and traffic jams? What an artist.”

Chloe blinking, very tired about all of this. “Oh, of course. And who’s the other one, then? Beelzebub?”

“What? No, of course no. Beelzebub is disgusting, with her flies and poop.” He really did look disgusted, as if remembering a terrible smell. “Aziraphale is a simple principality.”… A what? “I have no idea what Crawly sees on him. I only know he stopped Armageddon - well, more like Armagedidn’t - and might be married to poor Crawly.” He drank his scotch, that stupid smug smile still on his face.

She didn’t even want to start deciphering this. “... Married? So… Crawly is your brother in law.”

“What? No, no. All 3 of us are brothers. Crawly even Fell with me.”

Chloe was sure her train of thought had crashed and burned miles ago. A horrified expression appeared on her face. “You know? I can come later. Goodnight Lucifer.”

“Awww, detective.” Thankfully he didn’t follow, his expression distant as he took a long gulp of his whisky.

Were his delusions getting worse? She thought he had gotten them under control but _no_.

She ignored whatever look Maze shot at her and exited the place.

Sadly the night couldn’t end there, as Lucifer’s - probably, maybe not, who knows - incestuos brothers were standing outside, waiting for her.

“Oh, thanks the Lord you're ok, dear.” Said… Aziraphale? Something like that. The concerned expression on his face fitting him much better than the one full of rage.

“How are you not dead?” Crawly asked, sounding so much more alive.

“I ask myself that every day.” She looked at the side, pensive. “Anyway, you’re Lucifer’s… brothers?” Both of them looked almost disgusted with the word itself.

“That… that man is not brother of mine.” The rage was back on his face. It must have been a _hell_ of a family feud.

Crawly on the other hand… “Brother? No no no no no, he’s my… my boss… my ex-boss.” It looked like he was more baffled by the whole idea than anything else.

“And… what about the other one? mmm… tall, african american, very serious.”

Aziraphale smiled very awkwardly at her, as if deciding what to tell her.

“That could be… Uriel?... Jophiel?... Amenadiel?... There might be more but that’s the ones that come to mind.” Crawly said, surprising his maybe husband.

Lucifer, Uriel, Jophiel, Amenadiel and Aziraphale. Had someone really named his children like that? Honestly, speaking with this 2 was a fascinating look into Lucifer’s father.

“But dear, please tell. How much do you know about… mmm…”

“The boss.” Crawly competed.

“Well, not much really. Is hard to get anything from him with the whole believing he’s the Devil thing.”

She was expected to find a kind of understanding in the face of this 2 people that surely had also dealt with Lucifer’s delusions. She wasn’t expecting the panicked expressions.

“So… he says he’s… the Devil.” Crawly says.

“Yes.” Chloe raises an eyebrow.

“And you don’t believe him?”

Chloe frowns. Ok, something was very very wrong with this family. “Of course not. Why would I? Is honestly getting out of control. He really needs an intervention, for a while he believed himself immortal until.. until he got shot.” Uff, yeah, not her best moment…

At this point their eyes had gone so wide that Crawly’s stupid sunglasses wouldn’t even help hiding them. “Shot?! someone shot… someone shot…?!”

Did they had to say it like that? She truly felt sorry about all of that. “Oh, sorry for mentioning that. I can’t imagine having a family member so lost in his own delusions.” At this point Chloe didn’t even know what was passing through the minds of this 2. Maybe it was a signal that she should shut up. “And what about you? He mention your names were… Crawly and Aziraphale?”

“Crowley, Crowley, is Crowley! You got through all the trouble to change it and people keep calling you that.” He waved his arms, looking to the sky. It must be a really sore spot.

“Oh, I’m really sorry about that. It must be horrible.” Horrible, this poor people and their awful fathers. It was heartbreaking.

“But yes, I’m Aziraphale. Is nice to meet you as well… detective?” 

“Oh, Decker, Chloe Decker.” she offered Aziraphale her hand, who gave it a good shake. She noticed a ring on his finger. It was a silver snake, wing motif around it. This family really liked their biblical symbolism, didn’t they?

“So.. how… did you meet him? Did you came to… imprison him?” Aziraphale asked. Weird way to put it.

“Oh, no, I wish. Sadly he somehow became a consultant for the LAPD.” Ok, this was getting scary, one of them was about to drop dead and it was all going to be her fault.

“Dear… I don’t think having him as a… consultant is a great idea.”

“Neither do I, but he’s not that bad… Well, he’s a terrible influence but he’s pretty sharp and helpful, even with all the teatrics.”

Both of them laughed awkwardly. “But dear, please take care. He’s… he’s dangerous.”

Chloe frowned. “I understand your concern, but after knowing him for so long I think I can handle him.”

The awkward smile had not left Crowley’s face. “So… you have known him for a long time?”

“Yes, almost a year, I think.”

“And… and he has done nothing to you?”

“Well… nothing bad. He’s terribly insistent on us having sex but he’s yet to do something truly jail worthy… surprisingly.”

It was also very surprising for this 2.

“I know it might sound crazy but I truly think he means well. He’s incredibly helpful and… I don’t mind him so much as my partner.”

If they kept their mouths open like that, they were going to dislocate their jaws.

“Maybe he has changed.” Crowley says, incredulous.

“And what if he has not? What if he tries to do something to you?” Aziraphale looked truly scared. What had happened in the past?

“...Then why hasn’t he? We’re still here. Adam is still fine. Hell, he told us to say hi to him.” Who wa Adam? Was he another brother? He also had a biblical name so…

“B-but…” Aziraphale stayed quiet for a moment. “maybe you’re right.”

They finally remember Chloe was there and looked at her.

“Oh, thank you so much.” Aziraphale said, finally a big smile on his face. It was like the sun, filling her with so much warmth and love.

“You’re… welcome?” She said, smiling back even in her confusion.

The 2 of them disappeared after that, the last thing Chloe could hear being. “We are never coming back to the estates, are we?”

“Never again, love.”

* * *

If Chloe had gained anything from this strange experience, was more knowledge about the conditions in which Lucifer must have grown up in.

Maybe it wasn’t Lucifer the one with the complex. The names, the respect, Lucifer’s dislike for God and religion in general… Maybe their father was the one with the god complex. Aziraphale had even referred to him as ‘The Almighty’, a man that made his children refer to him as that was… troubling to say the least.

It was very probable that Lucifer wasn’t the only one in his family with delusions.

It must have been horrible. The idea of Aziraphale being kicked out of the house for being gay and still respecting the man to that extend… that explained why Lucifer would take on the mantle of the Devil, wishing to become his father’s antithesis.

At least he was free. But what about the other 2? were they happy?

“Maybe we could go visit them and ask!” said Lucifer, a mischievous spark on his eyes.

“W-who?!”

“My dear brothers, of course.”

Oh, what had she done?!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda sad that Lucifer is not from Chloe's point of view. It would be very interesting to see things trought her eyes and be like "This man is crazy! ... or is he?"


End file.
